I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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