I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
