I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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