i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
