My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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