Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
