I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
