hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
