You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
