i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
