but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize