3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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