tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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