i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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