dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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