omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
