in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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