can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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