Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
