It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
