he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she pinky promised me she was 18
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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