my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you win again, gameday.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
