On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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