I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
