I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize