I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I understand Curling. That high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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