I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
