Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
