i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
