do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
