i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
