fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the day after is always just damage control
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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