She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
