Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
