i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize