Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
