So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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