so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
