Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
