We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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