ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
