I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
