someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
