it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
