god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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