There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
