Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
