Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
