Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
