Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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