I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
