I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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