i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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