Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize