yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
