people are starting to question the shark bite story
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
