Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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