Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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