You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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