i already hear my dad disowning me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
