I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
