I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
