i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
