also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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