btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
