I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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