Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
