ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
