wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
