That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
