This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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