It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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