I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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