All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So squirting runs in the family.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
