Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
