maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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