I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
