we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
