They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
