I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
