Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize