Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
