i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
