If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize