and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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