If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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