I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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