So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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