that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize