did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So vagazzling was a success
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
