It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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