best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
