we're chasing vodka with high fives
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
