dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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