what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize