i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
