So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
