Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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