Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
