I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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