He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
