I'm eating all of the evidence.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize